Vulnerable assertion

RAAF Roulettes: Photo credit - unknown

By Kerryn Vaughan

17th February 2026

Vulnerable Assertion isn’t making big waves yet, but maybe I’ll stat a trend because it absolutely should be.

Being vulnerable and being assertive are not mutually exclusive - they go hand in hand. And what better example than the Roulettes (pictured) - completely vulnerable, and totally reliant on assertive communication.

Assertive communication earns a shiny reputation for being fair, balanced, and win/win. In theory, brilliant. In practice, I hear plenty of people say others are “aggressive”, and nine times out of ten, once we unpack the actual conversation, the person was being assertive… it just didn’t land well. The delivery didn’t take the other person’s interpretation into account.

You can walk away thinking you used great communication skills - clear tone, fair request, reasonable outcome - but if the message hits the ground with a thud, the opportunity is gone. And so is the trust you were trying to build.

I’m a huge believer in naming the expectation or desired outcome upfront. It’s clean and clear, and clarity helps people feel safe.

Then comes the magic of vulnerability…

This is where you open the trust door and say things like:

• “I don’t have all the answers.”

• “I’m not entirely sure how we’ll get there.”

• “I’m not certain what support works best for you yet.”

• “Here’s the outcome we need, but I want you to reach it in a way that feels natural for you.”

That's when they get in the boat and offer to take a paddle.

It builds connection, ownership and trust - every human (especially leaders) needs to be able to build these things so nobody goes under.

Of course, some situations demand firm, non-negotiable assertion - especially when safety is on the line.

But most moments aren’t life-or-death. They’re opportunities to lean into vulnerable assertion and show what real, humanness looks like.

When you do, outcomes get met, ownership grows, people feel genuinely seen and valued, and relationships deepen.

That’s true win/win 🙌

If you’re a leader, this is definietly your friend!

Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, co-founder of Girls With Hammers, and host of Get Off The Bench Podcast.

Kerryn is a leadership facilitator and the founder of Confident Leaders Program and The Confidence CAP, as well as an accredited DISC ADVANCED® consultant.