I don't know how to kiss... YET!

Photo - Toa Heftiba

By Kerryn Vaughan

12th December 2019

Have you ever stopped to consider how often you say “I don’t know how to…”? Very often, I suspect! What if we changed that language to “I don’t know how to… yet”?

Think about all the things you competently do today that you once didn’t know how to do, like drive, tie your shoe laces, use the lawn mower, cook, kiss, use a smart phone; the list goes on and on…

What about using a computer? I can clearly recall how scared most of us were when personal computers first became available. I was in my late 20’s. I remember seeing these clunky big things starting to appear in shops and for well over a year I would feel a sense of dread at the thought of someday being in a position where I would be forced to use one. I was terrified! Computers were way too advanced for someone like me.

Around the age of 30 I took the leap (only because my then partner wanted one) and we bought a desk computer with the giant hard-case and massive big box screen that left absolutely no room on the desk for anything else. You couldn’t even move it without ‘setting the heads in park’. Yes, I thought I was so advanced in IT knowing that little secret and mastering it. I also remember spending what seemed like a house deposit on it!

Fast forward 25 years and I’m practically married to my Mac (others in my home call her Mrs Mac due to my perhaps ‘over-the-top’ adoration) and I can’t ever imagine how I was afraid of these amazing machines.

When I first invested in a little farm some 12 years ago, I didn’t know how to do any farm maintenance. Well I can tell you, I soon had to get my act together! I still have a small farm now, and over those years I’ve constructed paddock shelters, rebuilt an outdoor toilet, re-strung a clothesline, fixed many water pumps and connections, re-wired a solar system, installed electric fences, injected sick cows, and so many other things I’d never had to do prior to this. Only a couple of weeks ago I had to herd a snake into a corner to confine it, after it made its way into the house via the doggy door!

Photo - Timothy Eberly

This got me thinking - isn’t it funny how when things are urgent (and a snake in the house falls under ‘critically urgent’!), we seem to find a way to learn in an instant. There is no ‘yet’ and there is no ‘can’t’. Adrenaline kicks in, we do what we have to, and in most cases actually succeed, much to our surprise.

We never give ourselves enough credit for what we are truly capable of. Besides, every single thing you could ever want to learn is now on YouTube, so no excuses!

So why is it, we allow what we can’t do to define us? What if we did started putting ‘yet’ on the end of every ‘I don’t know how to…’? Imagine how we’d start seeing ourselves and our capabilities.

However, if you really don't like something, and don’t ever want to do it, then by all means ignore all of the above. I'm not good at sewing, because I actually despise sewing. So, I don't want to be good at it ‘yet’, now, or any other time.

But if you are saying things like ‘I'm not good at this’ or ‘I don't know how to do that’, it probably means that you wish you were good at it or did know how to do it, otherwise you wouldn't even be bringing it up. So my advice, make friends with the word ‘yet’ and use it often . Oh, and for the record, I had a whole lot of fun learning how to kiss!

Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, and co-founder of Girls With Hammers.

Are you coming clean?

By Kerryn Vaughan

16th August 2019

Well are you?

It may be a hard pill to swallow, but you simply can’t free yourself until you do…

Over the years my work has taken me on many journeys - some good, some not so good. A great deal of it has seen me teaching or training in some form or another, creating the opportunity for me to have a trapped audience, and some would say that meant I was in my element!

My days as a tertiary teacher had me locked in room with a whole bunch of mostly mature women who had succumbed to the ‘settling’ that seems to plague a lot of women. Settling for far less than they deserved. Of course I wasn’t literally ‘locked’ in with them, but for some, that’s how it would have felt at first.

At the beginning of the year, each new student would hesitantly creep through the door for the first time, slowly scanning every corner of the room for the chair that would securely snuggle her for the entire year. Each one doubting that anybody else in the room would understand that her even thinking about starting a course, was taking a massive step out of her comfort zone.

As she headed to the chair that seemed to be beckoning her, she wondered how she would manage to get through an entire year sitting amongst all these confident people, and thinking “I am so far out of my league here”. Then the lies would sneak in and infiltrate her mind until she could barely even breathe. She had successfully convinced herself that she was the only one in the room experiencing these thoughts:

“I shouldn’t be here”

“Who am I to think I can start a new career - nobody will employ me anyway”

“Everybody will find out I wasn’t that smart at school”

“I won’t be able to pass any tests so I shouldn’t have even enrolled”

“It’s only a matter of time before Kerryn finds out how dumb I am”

“Maybe I should leave now, before it even starts”

And the list goes on and on and on…

How do I know they had these thoughts? Because eventually every one of them comes clean. And over time they all share with each other, that they too had the same thoughts. Imagine the pain of keeping all that fear and anxiety tightly and securely wrapped up inside you, thinking everybody else in the room was more intelligent and more competent than you.

Sadly this happens everywhere in life and not just in my classroom. But the moment we come clean, we open the door for all that rubbish to start waking out, and making way for powerful, positive, and refreshing change to barge its way through that open door.

For me it was always important to show these women how amazing they were. That just because they had not been to school in 20 - 30 years, that did not make them ‘dumb’. Even if it was true that they didn’t do well in school, that’s completely irrelevant once you step out into the big wide world of adulthood.

These women had lived life! Most had raised a family, some had put up with husbands they didn’t even like, some had travelled, some had been in the same job their whole lives and some had done whatever work they could get just to help pay the bills.

Mostly, these women were the ones who always put themselves last - the husband’s job was more important, the kids sport was more important, the trips in ‘mums taxi’ were more important. Even dinner was more important! They were the women who held every family secret tight and who could fit 3 days into 1, both just to keep the peace and ensure the happiness of others preceded their own.

But the truth is, these amazing women had so much to offer and so many life experience skills outside of their robotic daily obligations, and it was time they saw that.

I was so blessed to have been in that wonderful position, having an entire year to massage some of the damaging beliefs out of these incredible beings, and to inspire moments of self-love, self-worth, self-respect, self-belief, confidence, hope and courage. Feelings and thoughts they deserved to be filled with.

Ironically, what they didn’t realise, was that they inspired my life long journey to support people to shine their light. I have seen so many great ideas emerge from inspired minds, and observed as new-born women make their way to the next chapter of their life with new found confidence, and belief that what they have to contribute is truly valuable.

People just need some time out, some inspired moments, and some honest conversation away from the daily grind, so they have an opportunity to figure out what really makes their heart sing. Imagine a whole world full of chirping birds! Imagine how bright the world would be if everybody’s brilliant light was turned on.

Whatever that thing is you want to do, please believe you ‘can’. Please listen to your heart and believe that you matter. Believe you have an amazing gift within you and that your gift is worth sharing. Know that you yourself, are a gift. You are unique, beautiful and way more powerful than you can even imagine. Stand in your truth and add your amazing light to the tapestry of life.

Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, and co-founder of Girls With Hammers.

Time is too precious

By Kerryn Vaughan

26th July 2019

Time is too precious

Hi there, and welcome to the very first Get Off The Bench blog post. To be honest, I've been putting this off for way too long because I couldn't decide on the angle to take. I knew I wanted to start a blog because I have a stack of things to say (just ask my family and friends about that!), as well as having a whole bunch of experience in many areas. I'm also passionate about tonnes of things, and can easily share my opinion on all of them.

So what to do? Why is it so easy to help guide others, but when it comes to ourselves we are crap at it? If somebody else asked me what THEY should do, I'd say, ‘Pick a topic you're passionate about and that you know a lot about, then write. Don't make it so damn hard!’

Actually, a lot of us fall victim to not being able to decide which passion we're going to persue, and I intend to unpack this more as we move along this journey together. But at the end of the day, time is way too precious, so we just need to crack on today. Right now!

Do what I say, not what I do

We are all very good at expecting others to value our advice and opinions, but we don't even give it half that value? I’m sure most of us are caught up in the whole self doubt / imposter syndrome epidemic - a huge problem that some people just don’t get on top of.

So on taking my own advice I have gone with Get Off The Bench. Seems logical anyway, as my latest book is called just that. As well, I have a huge backlog of ideas and projects I've successfully gotten off the bench and a long history of helping others to kickstart their projects. So that's final. We’re in this for the long haul.

In coming posts, I'm going to talk about the good, bad, ugly and bloody awesome about getting your idea up and running, as well as looking at reasons why we don’t ever start. Mark my words there are a lot of those! I also want to share snippets from my book and showcase ordinary (that's all of us) people who have had the courage to get off the bench, including how they did it, why they did it, and some of the challenges. Sometimes I might just unload my despise for inconsiderate pricks. That will certainly add some spice!

I hope you'll stick with me and find the inspiration, encouragement and guidance to kickstart your dream and bring it to life.

Please connect with me on Instagram at @getoffthebench and send a DM

About the author: Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Get Off The Bench!’ and ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and director at Girls With Hammers which empowers women to build a dynamic life.